Father Kenneth Doyle
Q. My son and his fiancee will be married later this year and are wondering what the average stipend would be for the priest who does their wedding ceremony. They are assuming that there is no set fee but want to give what is reasonable. (Logansport, Indiana)
A. Some parishes establish suggested fees for the use of a church for a wedding. Sometimes this is referred to as a “facility fee.” It helps to cover the costs for heat, electricity, cleaning, etc. Such fees may range from $100 for a smaller church to several hundred dollars for a large church or cathedral.
Often the amount is reduced for parishioners, since they help to maintain the parish by their weekly offerings. The parish where I serve has no such fee, and I would feel uncomfortable having one. But I recognize that another parish might be struggling financially and need this income.
A stipend is something different: In this case, it would be a freewill offering given to the priest (or deacon) who officiated at the wedding ceremony. Never should it be indicated that this offering is fixed, or even expected, since it is purely voluntary.
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Where does that stipend go? Well, the church’s Code of Canon Law stipulates (in No. 1267) that, unless the contrary is indicated, that money goes into the general parish fund. As a diocesan priest responsible for my own support, my rule of thumb is this: If a couple following the wedding gives me a check made out in my name, or cash, in a thank you note written to me, I honor what seems to be the intent of the donor and keep the gift.
But if the check, as often happens, is made out to the parish, that gift of course belongs to the church. And following the baseball rule that “a tie goes to the runner,” if money is simply handed to me in a plain envelope, I deposit it in the parish’s account.
To answer your question more specifically, in my experience, a freewill offering for a wedding most commonly turns out to be $100 or $150. When couples realize that they are spending upward of $20,000 on the wedding clothes, flowers and reception, they tend to treat the celebrant generously.
In all of this, the overarching rule is set in Canon No. 848, which mandates that the minister take special care to see “that the needy are not deprived of the assistance of the sacraments because of poverty.” Because of this, and because people have a natural reluctance to tell you that they are poor, I have strong misgivings about suggesting any specific amount for fees or for stipends.
Q. I am a non-Catholic Christian but for years have been wondering if I should “convert” to Catholicism. Spiritual things have always been of utmost importance to me, and one might say that the seeking of truth has been my life’s purpose.
I have come to have great respect for the Roman Catholic Church, and I believe that Pope Francis is truly a man of God. I have come close several times to becoming a Catholic but want to be sure that it is the right thing for me to do.
And so my question is this: How can I know for certain that the Catholic Church is the one true church? Is there anything that I can do (prayers, fasting, etc.) to get some kind of confirmation from God that the Catholic Church is the true one? And how certain do I need to be before converting to Catholicism? (Clio, Michigan)
A. It strikes me that you are perhaps looking for more certainty than you need. The journey of faith does not normally produce the sort of mathematical certainty that results from a theorem in geometry. Faith comes essentially as a gift, and even the holiest of saints speak of an admixture of doubt woven into the fabric of their belief.
For you to become a Catholic, you need to be comfortable with the basic teachings of the church. You need also the conviction that, for all its human frailties, the Catholic Church approximates most closely the faith community Jesus came to establish.
In my experience, believers from other Christian religions often feel attracted by the papacy — with the conviction that Jesus meant to give special authority to Peter as the leader of the apostles — and with a greater comfort from having a final arbiter of doctrine than from having 20,000 different Protestant denominations.
What I think you should do is seek out a priest experienced in working with those who would like to become Catholics and sort out with him your feelings and misgivings. Most of all, continue to pray that the Lord will guide you in your search and lead you to inner peace.
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Questions may be sent to Father Kenneth Doyle at askfatherdoyle@gmail.com and 40 Hopewell St., Albany, N.Y. 12208.
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It is hard to understand why it takes four paragraphs to answer a simple question like how can I know for certain that the Catholic Church is the one true church, yet not answer the question fully.
Father Doyle should have answered the above question as an evangelist or teacher would. As the Church Apostles and Saints would. In one sentence: The Catholic Church is the one true Church because Jesus Christ Himself knowingly founded only one Church – the Catholic Church.
Father Doyle could also have then proceeded to fill in some of the blanks such as the unbroken line of succession of Catholic Popes and Christ’s desire for one unified worldwide Catholic Church. Not today’s fragmented Christendom and the myriad of other religions. Also some of the softer characteristics of an all loving Catholicism. That as Catholics we love and respect everyone because we believe everyone is made in the image and likeness of God. That even if you believe that your Church or your way of living is just as good as Catholicism, that is your right and while we disagree, we respect it. Only God knows for sure. But why take the chance? Bet on a sure thing – Catholicism! Come join us, we want you, our tent is large and our “yolk is easy and burden is light”.
Unfortunately Father Doyle decided to be politically correct, thus loosing the opportunity to clearly delineate Catholicism’s uniqueness and to draw attention to why everyone should consider becoming a Catholic. A missed opportunity to evangelize.
This type of lukewarmness is in perfect harmony with the Catholic Church’s current timidity and moral disorientation. A Catholic Church that is so preoccupied with societal acceptance and not offending anyone or any thing that it has forgotten its prime directive from Jesus Christ Himself, to go forth and make disciples of all nations. Instead of fearlessly and boldly following Christ’s command to evangelize and convert, as did the first Apostles, St. Paul, and all the Church Saints, today’s Church has become a moral wimp more concerned with lofty rhetoric than with actual results. So cowardly has the Church become that it now seems ashamed to even mention the singular truth that makes Catholicism unique among all the world’s religions and intuitions. That the Catholic Church was founded directly by Jesus Christ, is the One True Religion, and is the only Certain pathway to heaven. When was the last time you heard that from a Bishop or a priest?
for the person questioning whether to join the R.C church, I would suggest that he/she enroll in an RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) program after visiting a few parishes. The first couple months of the typical program are focused on inquiry and discernment. It is only after some time that a fist commitment is made (usually the first Sunday of Advent), a next step would be the first Sunday of Lent for those who choose. On that day we celebrate the Rite of Election, and then the final step would be (for on already baptized as Christian) a celebration of welcoming in the Church and Confirmation at the Easer Vigil. I think most parishes run the same program for both non-Christian seeking baptism and those already baptized…… although the ritual celebrations are different for each group. are should be taken to recognize the special status of Christians seeking o join our Church. Indeed, it is possible o welcome them into the Church apart from the RCIA program.