Deacon Paul and Helen McBlain, members of St. Joseph Parish in Collingdale, have been married more than 50 years and have seven children, 21 grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.

By Deacon Paul and Helen McBlain • Marriage Matters • Posted October 4, 2018

He says:
Warren says: I have always tried to bring up our son knowing and abiding by the Ten Commandments. Recently we found out that our son’s fiancé had an abortion. This was a kick in my gut because I have always believed “Thou shalt not kill” is not a suggestion, but a directive by God. Our younger daughter has Down syndrome and, especially in our home, those who were different or not glamorous were always respected and held as very special.

Last week, our son let it slip that the woman he plans to marry had a second trimester abortion … and he did not seem upset by this. Neither did she.

That was a baby that was removed. That was our first grandchild. I wondered how they could they agree to such a procedure. We did not even know his fiancé was pregnant! We would have offered to raise the baby until such a time as they could get on their feet, or keep the baby, rather than kill it.  

[hotblock]

I am so saddened right now. I wonder where I failed in passing on the belief that all individuals are special and unique and worthy of the gift of life. My wife acts like this was no big deal and only seemed to be concerned about how his fiancé’s health was. I was so shocked at my wife’s stamp of approval on this wretched procedure that took a baby’s life, that I have stopped talking to her.

She says:

Anita says: In today’s world it is a woman’s choice to keep a pregnancy or reject it. After all it is a legal procedure today, not like when we were young. I personally would never have made that choice. If I were pregnant today I probably would have had the opportunity to have aborted our younger daughter, and I don’t know what choice I would have made concerning bringing a Down child into our world.

At any rate, with so many botched abortions, even in clinics, I was concerned that our son’s fiancé would recover nicely. Why would I get upset over what is done and cannot be undone? Today’s couples are much freer with their lives and focus on what they need. Right now, our son and his fiancé need to work hard at their jobs and establish a life for themselves. They will have plenty of time for a family.

I cannot understand why Warren has had such a reaction to their news. After all, he had nothing to do with this decision which was between the two of them. It is none of our business. We need to stay out of their bedroom and let them live the life they want together.

What should they do?

Warren has a deep respect for the fundamental equality of all human beings and a recognition of the inherent dignity and inalienable rights held by every human being, even those in the womb.

It is important for Warren to clearly share with Anita (and perhaps their son and his fiancé) how negatively that “choice” has affected him.   

Anita appears to have a less respectful take on the sanctity of life as created by God and given to all humanity. Anita even questions what her choice would be today of having a Down syndrome daughter.

Pregnancy is not a disease, and abortion is not health care. This is true, but the modern, secular humanistic world in which we live is a disposable world and along with over 6 million aborted babies, Warren and Anita’s grandchild is now gone. It is true that no one can bring that child back. Abortion is an irreversible “choice.”

Warren needs to understand that women who make the choice to abort are initially relieved of the “problem,” but may suffer grief by the first anniversary of the abortion or even years later when they do continue with a pregnancy.

Jesus came to earth for sinners and the sick. Realize that forgiveness would have been what Jesus would have selected for this mother. We, too, need to not judge, but forgive.

It could be helpful for Warren to get in touch with Steve Bozza of the archdiocesan Office for Life and Family (215-587-3561) for further guidance, or to get involved in the pro-life movement.

Warren is right on, as Mother Teresa stated: “It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish.”

Being “right” in this situation needs to also involve prayer that more people will realize the horror of abortion and pray for the mother as well as the sacrificed baby.